I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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