she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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