apparently the secret to your success is patron
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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