I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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