Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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