Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
