You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
