he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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