i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
