I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
