Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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