Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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