when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
