I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
