Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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