if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
where am i from again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
where are you?
Hypothermia
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
