just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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