she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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