Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
