Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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