It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
