God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
