i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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