In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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