So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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