I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she smelled like a LAN party
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
