I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
