oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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