i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
