Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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