Where is the hickey?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
