she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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