He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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