Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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