So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
