I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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