We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
