I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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