Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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