Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
