my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
