george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
