all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I could make wine with my vomit
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
