The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
