just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
