If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
