i think my tv is drunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
