I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
50% drunk capacity currently
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
