we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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