I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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