it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
