The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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