I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The ass gains better be worth it
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