Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
