I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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