You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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