These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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