3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
