piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
