I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
