Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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