i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
