Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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