Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
