It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
